Dear Ree,

I wanted to send a letter home with you inside of your photo album because there is one very, very, very important thing that I forgot to tell you one last time: 

You are exquisite. 

Remember when you used to dress up in my high heels and try on makeup and wear goofy hats and dance in front of the mirror? Auntie Taylor taught you how to say, "My dear, you are exquisite." It is one of my favorite memories. You felt so special when we played dress up and danced in silly outfits. 

Exquisite means that you are SO special. It means that you are rare, that there will never be another Ree, ever. Exquisite means that you are super beautiful and fantastic, the very best and the most memorable. That is YOU! Your beauty, your charm, your excellence. You are honest and sweet and kind and talented. My dear, you are exquisite.

I know that things are getting confusing in your life right now. A lot of grown ups seem to be making decisions that sometimes might feel a little bit scary for you. Like when you came to stay at my house for three months. That decision was a fun one!

While you were with me we fixed 14 cavities in that tiny mouth of yours :) We continued going to talk to Ms. Cindy AND you started school! We also did SO MANY amazing things together. We painted pottery, went to a Bulls game, went swimming and to a water park. We ate sushi A LOT and we had play dates with friends and you took hip hop classes and drumming classes. We bought a goldfish, took Cash Money to the park, celebrated birthdays and St. Patrick's Day. You learned how to sleep in your own bed, dress yourself, and brush your teeth more than six times a day! You absolutely loved brushing your teeth :) We went to Target twice a week just for fun...because this mama loves her some Target. We saw Frozen in theater TWICE and went to jumpy house places to release your crazy energy. We went to the Children's Museum, Little Beans Cafe and even the Circus! In fact, when you got your face painted at the Circus you told Auntie Taylor, "I am exquisite."

I hope that you had a really fun time with me. You are my best friend and I hope I was able to show you that you are very loved. Life might get a little bit "weird" (as you would say) the next couple of months. I want you to remember that when you are mad or scared or hurt, that I am thinking about you and that someone deeply worries and cares for you. You are precious and you are special. I did not want for you to leave my house, but some very important adults, like a judge and case workers, make that decision for us. I had to do what they say because it is the law. They are making choices for you that they believe are the best ones to keep you safe. Remember that when you feel mad or sad about what is happening, that we want to protect you because you are so special. Our hope is to always keep you safe and healthy, and we try our very hardest to make you happy too.

Cash Money, my dog, is still "sleeping with his nose in your door," as you would often say. He misses you! You were very sweet to Cash Money. You let him outside the backdoor, you always pet him on the couch, and you gave him so many cookies! He followed you all over the house hoping you would drop your Goldfishies :) I can see that you are very sweet and kind, and you are an excellent big sister. I am so proud of you. I hope K and J learn how to be like their big sister! 

I love you very much. I miss you very much. And I hope that you can use my phone number to call me sometimes. I am going to miss your big loud happy voice!


Love you!

Tiffanie 
xxx-xxx-xxxx

P.S. I also wanted to remind you of something that you often tell me: "God is always inside of you." And He loves you!

When it is "Goodbye" and not "See You Later"

To the incredibly lucky person who now has Ree:

You have been given an absolute treasure. Ree is absolutely miraculous. She is one of the most beautiful, sweet, smart and kind little girls I have ever had the pleasure of meeting. She dances everywhere she goes. The last three months flew by way too quickly. I immediately felt the emptiness she left behind once she was gone. She was such a loud presence in my life.

Please, revel in and cherish the moments Ree gives you. She literally grows when she is being loved. Take the time to listen closely to what she is telling you. Sometimes her behavior speaks louder than her words. Sometimes she means the opposite of what she is trying to say--when she is angry she might be feeling sad. You might even catch her crying because she caught herself feeling happy. Be observant, be patient, be sensitive, and please, be gentle. Try to see the world the way that she sees it; it is such a pretty and simple place.

Ree is truly a priceless gift, and now she is in your care. She deserves the very best and more. She loves unconditionally, purely and honestly. Please, remember that when Ree is purposefully challenging you, she is only trying to discover if she can trust you. Praising Ree will help her blossom, and it is much more effective than punishing negative behaviors. Instead, make it point to tell her every day, "I am proud of you because...." She is brilliant and she learns immediately. She will follow safe and consistent role models.

Now that Ree is in your care, you have witnessed that smile. That ear to ear smile. Please, protect it and don't allow life to dim her sparkle. She is remarkable and you are the luckiest person in the world to have her.

If you ever need anything, and nothing is too petty or too large, please feel free to contact me at xxx-xxx-xxxx. I am proud of you for taking on such an enormous responsibility. I understand how much your life just changed. I love you and Ree loves you for it. You will have plenty of moments when you struggle. I promise you that when you do, Ree will promptly do something amazing to cheer you up. Focus on those moments.

Kiss her. Hug her. Celebrate her.

God Bless You Greatly,

Tiffanie

Happy Birthday!!

Juna Amagara is officially ten years old, officially in the double-digits. JAM is finally sitting at the big kids' table. 

What does this mean?
It means JAM is no longer getting started. They are no longer small. JAM is officially playing ball with the big boys--- saving the lives of over 600 children, when they had only 14 at the start.

They went from little league baseball and cruised right into the major leagues. And they are force to be reckoned with. TEN YEARS!

Ariyo Bibianah. God Exists.
Ainemebabazi Kevin. 
Akankwasa Blessed. He has helped me.
Atuhaire Easter. 

Ariyo. Kevin. Blessed. Easter. These are the names of the children my relatives have chosen to sponsor this year. 

Check out www.amagara.org. There are still so many waiting. $35 a month to completely transform their lives. Think about it as an excellent diet plan--- $35 a month is the same as buying a soda a day. One of my favorite lessons Ugandans instilled in me is that Water is Life. And we have it so readily and healthily available. Switch to water, lose 5 pounds, and save a child's life. $35 a month can be done.

And.........this proud mama is happy to show an updated photo of Ariyo!

 She is growing so fast. Here's what the letter said:

Dear Tiffanie,

Tiffanie how are you?

How did you reach in America?

I miss you so much.

I am happy to tell you that house is finished and we already staying in it.

Thank you so much from my mum and Director for what you did.

Scovia and Aine send greetings.

Greet for me all your family members.

Happy New Year

<3 Ariyo Bibianah

I miss her so much it hurts. Summer 2014 in Uganda in the works. Just can't stay away from this face. 


(Photo of Ree and I at the 10 year anniversary event Saturday night)

Our guest speaker, Herbert Ainemani, said one of the most powerful things I've heard yet:

Ten years have allowed us to prove to you that this works. After ten years we have concrete evidence on the return of your investment in these children. Sponsored children have grown out of the Juna Amagara program and become adults. And they are investing their education and finances and lives into running their own orphan care programs. They leave JAM thankful and they begin to care for hundreds more in return. And inspire thousands in the process. They break the desperate cycle and begin a new one....orphans caring for orphans. The quote I just can't stop replaying over and over?

"One day soon we will see a time when 

Ugandans are caring for Ugandans."

So that can just disprove everyone's opinion on foreign aid please. Thank you.

Best. Quote. Ever. 

Pick up a sponsorship today and help us create the Uganda that Juna Amagara has envisioned.

Love Ain't Got No Color Sir

I am SICK. So sick. Ree has been wonderful, watching Hairspray on repeat about six times through now. (The other day at dinner she blushed red as a tomato and while fanning her face said, "Link (Zac Efron) is so handsome I want him to come out of the TV and be my friendship."

Anyways. I thought it might be nice to accomplish one thing today, and seeing how tomorrow night is our big-fancy-special-adult party (a.k.a. the Juna Amagara 10 Year Anniversary Event), I thought it'd be cool to get Ree a new hair doo. She was looooong over due. (See what I did there?)

In Uganda a lot of little girls have shaved heads because its easier, cheaper and healthier. BUT, the little girls who do have longer hair styles usually have yarn twists. I thought----LET'S DO THIS! Because  A.) It is so freakin adorable and B.) It is Ugandan and we are going to a Ugandan party and I love all things Uganda. 

Ree has spent the last two hours spinning her head back and forth to feel her long hair bounce on her shoulders. She has never had hair longer than 2 inches and now VOILA! She calls herself a super star. 

BUT. We got to the salon at 3:00pm. Everyone stared at me like what is she doing here. I was told to come back around 6:00pm. We ran errands and returned and. then. sat. waiting. until. 9:00. I know I'm crazy for actually waiting this long BUT Ree was adamant that she was not leaving without her twists! She watched Monsters Inc., Finding Nemo AND Despicable Me before they even touched her head.

At 9:00 they finally got her in a chair only to tell us....they didn't have any yarn. You can imagine how critical yarn might be to make yarn twists.

While they fixed that personal problem, I was having the nicest conversation with the sweetest Nigerian woman who had just got her hair did. She was talking with Ree, asking about Juna Amagara, and gave me some of the nicest compliments I've heard to date. All of the sudden a man was taking off his coat ready to fight her husband because he was upset about something she was saying about blacks and whites and immigrants.  I couldn't even try to explain to you his thought process if I tried. Nothing about our conversation was meant to start a race debate. I believe his feelings began when I walked in the door. All I understood about his yelling was that it extremely prejudicial, aggressive and I have a 6'5'' angry man pointing a finger in my face and trying to pull his T-shirt over his head. At me, the only white lady, in a salon where all I want to do is get yarn twists for my baby because I find them so fabulous. RIGHT.

Eventually the police stepped in and asked him to leave. And eventually Ree's hair was finished and we bolted out of there. 

Like I said, it was totally worth it. I learned some valuable lessons tonight about how other's can perceive situations that involve color. Lemme just clear the confusion right now. If Ree was purple or green or white we would celebrate her beautiful skin just the same as we celebrate it now. And Ree has thrived since she has been with me. She is consumed in love, no matter that I am white.

If that man had taken ONE SECOND to look at Ree's ear-to-ear smile, her adoring glances at me from across the room, her need to always be tangled up in my arms or legs.... he would see that Ree and I KNOW.... love doesn't have any color. 

When we were finally finished Ree had tears in the corners of her eyes. I asked her, What's wrong baby? Are the braids too tight? And she said, No I just feel like a Rockstar tonight. 

Then she turned around and asked the lady to twist my head too. I laughed it off saying, That would take forever! Look how much hair I have, we'll be here until tomorrow! And she replied:

I can wait forever for you.

If you ask Ree what Hairspray is about she will tell you: It's 'bout all kids dancin together. Everybody dancin and making friendships together and the black boy kisses the yellow girl (Amanda Bynes). And I love Link sooooo much.

If my four year old can understand love is color blind, why can't the rest of us? Sometimes it is best to see the world through the eyes of children. She makes me so proud.

23 Has Turned Into 24

I was able to wrap a whole lot of experience into one year....

I gambled in Vegas. Accepted my first job with CPS as an Interventionist. Drank a whole lot of margaritas. 

I saw the Rolling Stones perform their final show at the United Center. And went to way too many summer music festivals for a responsible adult. 

We celebrated another Stanley Cup for Chicago. Lolla'd with my best friends in the best city in the best weather. Welcomed lil Lu into the world and became an Auntie for the first time. 

I took my first office job at Prime Realty and discovered cubicles are not for me, and then promptly scheduled another trip abroad to Uganda. 

Sang my heart out to Nas singing One Love in front of the Chicago Skyline. Collected 250 pounds of shoes and clothing for Juna Amagara students. Rocked a unibrow on Halloween. 

I flew around the world to get to my heaven on Earth alone and watched as Ugandans completely transformed, rejuvenated, and beautified my heart.

I fell in love with my first daughter, Ariyo. And I will never be the same after meeting that little girl. Her presence in my heart and my mind and my choices and my actions is magical. 

Then, because of the change Ariyo fostered in me, I fostered one of the most colorful little girls I've ever met, who reminds me every day to LIVE LARGE and LOVE LOUD and LAUGH a LOT. I love you Ree baby.

And tomorrow, I officially start 24 by attending my first day of work at the Primo Center for Women and Children. Oh, to be able to cash a pay check again! 

If 24 is nearly half as great as 23 is, I am the luckiest girl in the world. Thank you to everyone in my life who made it possible for me to live my dreams and gave me the ability to literally create the life I desire for myself. I love you and I need you and I thank you!

GOOD BYE to 23!

I Can Cry If I Want To

So I know I have only "parented" for a little over a month now and I know I may not be too qualified to have an opinion on parenting...BUT, I have developed one on a topic that truly terrifies new parents---the dreaded tantrum.

It is OKAY to let your toddler scream and cry and kick and punch the floor in the frozen food aisle at Walmart. It is OKAY when your toddler squeezes under a fitting room door and hides behind a display of hanging clothes. It is OKAY when you're at a restaurant and your toddler refuses to sit in the booth and instead wants to lay on the grossly dirty floor under the table. 

Don't let your blood pressure rise. Don't start sweating it. One thing I have learned with Ree is that she is filled with thousands of emotions and that they are impossible for her to understand and that she must express them. I have uncovered some of her "quirks" over the weeks and the most important lesson I want parents to teach their children: It is good to have a cry until you feel better. It is healthy to punch the pillows on your bed until you relax. It is okay to go sit in a corner and be alone until you are ready to talk.

What a valuable life skill to instill in our children! To learn how to express and understand and talk about their emotions. I grew up bottling and hiding and masking my feelings and as an adult today, I still don't know what to do with them.

I let Ree get mad at me. I let her hide behind me instead of greet strangers. I let her throw tantrums at Target because we are not buying a jumbo bag of Snickers bars. I let her scream at the dentist because she is scared. I let her crawl into my bed in the middle of the night because she craves physical touch.

There are moments when I understand Ree's behavior as "attention seeking." Some of her fits and fights are just screaming LOOK AT ME. I EXIST. What amazing confidence she has. I want Ree to be sixteen years old and bold enough to demand the respect she deserves.

Of course everything in life works best at a healthy equilibrium. There are times when I feel it is appropriate to follow a tantrum with discipline. For example, behavior that is outright rude or mean or there is a lesson to teach your little one. And there are different moments when I understand Ree is just begging for someone to love her and squeeze the hurt places away. That she is just yearning to have feelings and be allowed to feel them.

One thing that Ree has started doing lately breaks my heart. I see her sometimes insanely happy and she will stop and immediately refuse to allow herself to do what is making her happy. For example, we might spend the morning destroying the kitchen by baking pancakes for breakfast. In the midst of all the laughter and flour and chocolate, she will run to her bed and burst out in tears. 

It is scary for Ree to allow herself to be happy and it is scary for her to be comfortable with happiness. It is terrifying to become dependent on a stranger or to rely on an unstable situation. Everything I give Ree to make her happy reminds her of the day it will be taken away. 

That is why I let Ree cry in her bed until she feels better and she will return with a smile on her face to eat her pancakes and talk about it. And when our days are particularly crummy, we blast Katy Perry, break open the Hersey Kisses and put clothes on the dog.

I will teach my daughters every day that crying is not taboo and that their tears are not trivial. I will teach my boys that crying does not make them less of a man, it makes them a brave and passionate and feeling man. 

Parents, try to watch out for these moments when it is fair and right to let your children have a good cry. Don't ask them to stop crying because you feel uncomfortable. Allow them to cry until they are finished and soothe their feelings. Learning how to self-soothe and vocalize feelings after you've had a chance to feel them....is a skill most adults do not have. 

This does not only apply to tears and anger. There are moments when it is fair to allow your child to feel totally euphoric. To dance and wiggle and walk crooked and tip toe and sing and scream and run in circles in public. Because they just feel SO HAPPY. Remember, this their childhood and they only get one. Those too-happy moments in adulthood are fewer and thinner and farther apart. Appearing to be well-behaved children in public is not as important as that single moment when your daughter feels purely and genuinely blissful. Sometimes Ree's public disturbing happy-moments really brighten others' days. SO SCREAM IN PUBLIC! 

Ree, baby, you are teaching me SO much about life. I finally understand that being 4 means expressing yourself LOUDLY and PROUDLY. 

I'm Gonna Miss You When You're Gone