But I am feeling extremely nostalgic today and so I write again. And that is a fancier word so I looked it up.
nostalgia (n): pleasure and sadness that is caused by remembering something from the past and wishing that you could experience it again.
I feel like my baby is being raised a world away from me and that I am not living up to my responsibilities the way that she deserves. I should be there. Making sure she brushes her teeth and teaching her how to fold fitted sheets and painting her toe nails hot pink. I wish I was watching her kart wheel and learn how to read and winning spelling bees in school. I am missing her quarterly marks in school, I am missing her grow a foot taller every year, I am missing her hugs. I should be there but I am here.
She is eight years old. I should be making her bed and tucking her into it. I should be scolding her for teasing her little brother. I should be teaching her how to add sugar to her tea to make it sweeter. We would be together, teaching each other the important lessons in life-- like how to be a kind person and how to wear red lipstick.
Because this lil mama deserves way more than any muzungu on a 90-day Visa can offer.
She deserves way more than a good education and a new house. She deserves consistent and constant and persistent unwavering, unfailing and unconditional love.
She deserves to have that along with a crazy muzungu lady who takes way too many pictures because they are so in love with her face.
It still baffles me that someone this special exists in the world and that by pure luck I was able to find her. And even lucky enough for her to love me back a little bit.
I ache with nostalgia when I look at these pictures.
I could not have a written a more perfect love story for my life.
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